Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
