why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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