sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
