i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
