well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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