your parents love me but you hate me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
