every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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