yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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