I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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