So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
