Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
