If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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