Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
