you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
