All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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