Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
