God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
