I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I love you. Go after that dick
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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