porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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