Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
