I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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