First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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