Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
