Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
