If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
