Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
