I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
