Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
