Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
