I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
