that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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