i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
