Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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