They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
