Everything about him screamed your future.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I enjoy the company of your penis
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