As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
