I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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