Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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