just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
