in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
