she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
