Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
