I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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