so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
