I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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