I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
