so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And then my night got REAL pukey
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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