I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
