i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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