I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
