So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
